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Literature by WantsToLoseHerMask

Literature by Kareemadeem

Literature by Akela-Nakamura

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Submitted on
February 9
Submitted with Writer


111 (who?)
You ignore the warnings, the pleas of the people around you 
Because you know what's right for you.

You start with one but it's not enough.
Then comes along two, then three and you're still not satisfied.
As the people around you fade, you don't care.
You have what you want, 
what you crave, 
what you need,
Because you know what's right for you.

As your frame of mind begins to change,
The numbers begin to spiral, 
You aren't doing it for fun anymore; it controls you,
It becomes a part of your routine.
Twenty-Seven.. Twenty-Eight.. Twenty-Nine..
It all feels the same,
You wonder what happened. 
But you listen to yourself, assuming it's nothing
Because you know what's right for you.

The people you once loved hate you.
This virus continues to consume who you were,
who you are,
who you wanted to be.
This is no longer a game.
The addiction is killing you, from the inside out.
But it's far too late now,
Because you thought you knew what was right for you.
I'm not really a poem writer but I wanted to try after seeing this

I would consider this my first REAL poem..

In all seriousness, I like what I wrote here. :D

Please critique since I'm horrible at poems. xD

Edit: Changed the title. Felt a little to reptitive. And changed up a few lines.
Add a Comment:
I like the poetry a lot but I think that you can make this piece a little better if you build up more intensity in it. I also love how you put the word choice. It helps me visualize this poem, the word choice also helped me feel, the exact feeling that you want me to know. This piece also gives me the hint of curiosity. The clarity of this writing helped me slide from beginning to end like a snap. I absolutely love this. Job well done.
Plus you should write a lot of poems more often, I like this a lot.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
6 out of 6 deviants thought this was fair.

You have a good formula down for the poetry. Coming back to the phrase "Because you know what's right for you" is a powerful reminder of just what addiction is all about. I think you communicated the purpose of the poem very clearly.

I was also going to mention that the format of the poem was a little off -- ending up with more lines of text than it began with. I prefer a more even format with poetry -- but not everyone does. However, the more I thought about it the more it could also be perceived as a metaphor for increasing addiction -- starts simple and clean but then continues into a larger and larger situation.

I don't know if that was purposeful or not, but I think poetry has that awesome ability to become as much of a word piece as well as a visual piece. Just something to keep in mind for the future.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
9 out of 9 deviants thought this was fair.

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DemonHowl Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2014  Student Writer
i like it
RiotResponse Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I love this.
bubbIies Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
[finally got to commenting on this ovo]

i just need to steal what everyone else said and stick it into this comment. ;v; like amoret said, anyone can relate and you can apply it to anything ! ;0; its totally awesome in that way [and many more]. 
i like the lines "it all feels the same, you wonder what happened." ;w;
iDJPanda Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank you. c:
bubbIies Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
uh welcome qoq
BleedingInsides Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
yes, thank you. Good sir your amazing at writing :D
BohepansTheZeroth Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2014 to me. It really makes you stop and think, doesn't it? Oh man...
DietBudah Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Well done.
romancefreak Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Absolutely astonishing, this is. It definitely speaks to me.
Lisaehlertmanion Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Speechless... don't know of anyone who can't identify with this...

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